I just got off the phone with A. We'd been playing phone tag the last few days, and I finally decided to head home early from the lab to give her a ring.
For those of you who don't know, she's the ex from a long time ago. I always get a little wistful when I talk to her. SHe updated me on what was going on with her. How she's moving back to SD from LA(ish) because she just doesn't like it up there. The work situation, a sexual harrassment incident, people up there in general. You know, ever since I've known her, things are always happening in her life, good and bad, but with great speed and frequency.
I brought it up by asking if she ever thought of settling down to a more stable, chill thing. Not anything in particular, but just the general way of life, and she said when she was old and her kids were grown up, she'd take it easy. I guess it amazes me because its so different than the way I look at life and approach it. Its funny, she said "Cuz you're an artist." "Whats that supposed to mean?" "everyone knows artists are laid back. I'm more of a business woman." I admire alot of the things she posesses. Her constant "on the go" thing, her drive to make things work, her fast paced personality, and the fact that something is always going on with her. Maybe its that something exciting is always happening. I want to work toward some of those things I admire about her, but I know I could never be happy going at the full speed she does. My life is drama-free much of the time, although when it comes, it comes in heaps. But drama and problems give life its great accents. I just couldn't see myself completely immersed in it day in and day out, and stressing over everything. I think its my personality and its the way I look at problems. I'd say that the only thing that really fucks me up bigtime is girls.
Sometimes when I've got a day to myself, I'll chill at home, by myself, just listening to tunes, watching movies, tv, drawing, or painting, but more or less not doing much of anything. And a few days like this in a row and I feel a little guilty that I can be satisfied with doing more or less nothing on my time off. I feel like I should be going out and doing this and that, but I'm actually satisfied to while away the day at home. Maybe a feeling in me is fighting how I really am. One of my lifelong goals is to constantly strive to become a better person, and part of that is improving upon things about yourself, and the other part is accepting things that are innate in you, and being comfortable and satisfied with that. We'll see in time which this is.
4/1/2003 01:12:13 AM
Sunday, March 30, 2003
damn, she played me...
3/30/2003 03:33:11 AM
Heh...I'm somewhat drunk. Went to Whispers club for D's bday, and I had a few drinks. One things for sure, the bartender wasn't shy with the alcohol(I'm pretty sure I spelled that wrong). It seemed like a pretty exclusive thing, many fine, fine women. I had a good time, and I'm pretty sure the others did as well. I didn't get completely beligerant(I'm pretty sure I've mispelled that as well).
For some reason, everyone was coming to me with their girl problems man. I don't know, what do I look like, Dr. Phil?(which, funny enough, Deb informed me that I kinda do? I took it as an insult=) But anyways, much fun was had, and I'm boiling some water right now, to cook up some pasta. The easiest thing I know how to make, and its going to taste mighty good right now. I shall eat it with my shirt off, like the butch guy I am.=)
I haven't really been updating recently, and I suppose I've lost some of that desire to post. It hasn't really been for a lack of topic. There have been times when I've thought, "man, thats a great idea, I think I'll post about it." but the desire is faded. One of the main reasons why I'm posting right now is because I'm waiting for the water to boil.=) Doesn't sound flattering for the blog, does it? Anywayz, tomorrow, I hope to start blocking out my shot with the new model that we've been givin'. (alert: nerd talk ahead) The new model has actual phenemes, and I've added some extra controls so I'm excited to work with it on the new dialogue piece I'm to start. I hope I won't be hung over tomorrow. Better check my boiling water right about now, late.
3/30/2003 03:19:27 AM
