I got a few things done today, like paying off my f'ing fat tuition, changing around my schedule a bit, and depositing a stray christmas check. I also met up with D, N, and a guy I kind of knew from the lab for some grub. Ugh, it feels like I'm already back at school! I was mentioning to N that I hadn't been back downtown for a good 3 weeks, and partly on purpose.
I'm looking forward to school starting up again. Something to focus on, and the feeling of being productive again. I think I'm over the "recharging" stage that I felt at the end of last semester. I want something else to occupy my mind, and something else to turn my energy on.
I think one of the things I'll miss most about school is going to be meeting new people on a frequent(per semester) basis. That, and the completely flexible hours. The learning atmosphere with minimal politics to worry about. I could go on...but I won't.=)
My optimism has been somewhat lacking as of late. It probably shows in my offerings here, no? But y'know, it may lull for a bit, but it'll be back in full force before long, I'm sure. Wow, was that a hint of it already?
Okay, so I just found out Jeremy's hooked on Vanilla Coke just like I am. And we're both drinking it at, what time is it now, 4:28am. Scratch that, it is now, as I type this, 5:26am. Got distracted by convo for a bit.
Well, its about that time to hit the sack. No real plans for tomorrow, we'll take it on a "how the hell I feel" basis for now.
1/24/2003 03:21:32 AM
Wednesday, January 22, 2003
Oh, and thanks to Nels for raising her hand when I asked if anyone was out there=)
1/22/2003 05:42:50 AM
I'm feeling pretty good tonight yo. I got out as planned today, just got reprints of a few choice shots from my trip down to SD for some friends. I also had a nice, huge bowl of pho at my favorite pho joint for breakfast...err...dinner. Umm, what do you call the first meal of the day that takes place around 6pm? Anyways, thats what it was...no, actually, what it was was goooood. mmmh mmmh.
I just finished writing her a letter to send along with a few of those reprints I made. Kept it light, nothing heavy. A good bit of humor thrown in. I'm feeling good about it. I'm liking this whole "writing a letter" thing. Ger got me started on the whole letter idea when I was back. It feels more personal, like some effort was put into it. I like that. Its 5am, but I still want to write one more. I've got 2 more to write, one in the form of another letter along with some reprints, and another is to someone online I haven't talked to in ages.
When I was digging around for some envelopes, I came across a letter from a friend from about 4 years ago. A girl I haven't talked to in about that long. Someone I knew for two years from chatting online. We met once or twice I believe? When we met, it was just funny, because she was all shy and I wasn't exactly outgoing at that point...so not much got done in the way of convo. I remember she kind of liked my friend, who she also knew from online, and who went with me to meet up with her and her friend. Totally dorky, right? haha...I'm thinking the same thing. I just read the letter again, and smiled. She was still in highschool, and from what she was saying, I had just moved up to San Francisco to start school. I remember chatting with her, and we'd just rip on each other all day, in pretty outlandish ways...heh. What can I say? But she was a total sweetie. I'm debating whether I should write her. I just wonder, she most likely moved away to college by now, and what are the odds she or someone she knows still lives at the address she gave 4 years ago? I wouldn't really mind if she didn't remember me, but I'm just curious how she's doing. Guess we'll see.
My bro just sent me a link to his online photo album of his trip to Boston. He went to visit his ex, just to visit but also I think to see if he could get something started again. Y'see, the thing about my bro is that he's always been the kind to not appreciate women until they're gone. Heh...its funny, because he'll always get this wistful look on his face whenever he talks about his most recent ex, saying, "yeah man, she was cool..." But I think its different with this one. Even my mom (who I've come to learn is pretty f'ing adept at judging people and dishing out relationship advice) said she was the one who cared about him the most, not just as a friend, but in that way. I could see it too, she was a keeper. But he let her slip away. I hope things work out, now that he realizes...and also, now that he's at the age when he's thinking about some longterm things...like *gasp*, the "M" word.
I picked up a smidge of a cough in the last 2 days, probably because of my on again, off again sleeping habbits. I hope to squelch it tonight, because I wanna ring up some people for maybe coffee or a meal tomorrow. I think I'll also write the rest of my letters tomorrow too. I definately don't want get into bed when the sun comes up...it just feels terribly wrong. And seeing as how its already 5:36am, probably best to go to bed.
1/22/2003 05:40:03 AM
Tuesday, January 21, 2003
I was sniffing around, trying to find new blogs today. Something to bring me up about the current feels I have about someone and relationships in general. Unfortunately, things were lookin' pretty bleak out there in blogger land. People breaking up after 6 years together. People feeling hurt about others who left. Breaking up because of someone new. Is it really so freakin' hopeless?? Damn. I believe I was talking to Ger a few days ago when I mentioned "things were so much easier when we were younger. Circumstances and timing weren't such an issue. People you met lived near you. No one had any baggage. You just met someone you liked, and you made it happen. Smooth. Nowadays, theres so many factors that tie in to things that its a fuckin' crime." Okay, maybe not exactly like that, I added something here and there. "Uncomplicated". Thats a situation that would be prime.
I caught the later third of High Fidelity tonight and it made me feel better. I guess thats why its on my "to get" list, along with Chasing Amy and a few others.
I've been bumming it these past two days. Just thinking. I suppose one thing I'm learning is that too much thinking and reminiscing doesn't do anyone any good. I think tomorrow, I should get out and about. Do something. Maybe grab a bite at the local bakery, and head on downtown to Virgin Megastore. Call up some folks and let them know I'm back in town. I can't say my heart's into the whole plan, but I know it'll be good for me to get the hell up on out of this room...and these tunes.
Well, I guess its off to bed for me. Take it easy out there. Does anyone still read this thing??
1/21/2003 03:15:51 AM
Monday, January 20, 2003
So, as usual, lots of things have happened since my last post. I just got back from my trip to San Diego on the 18th. On the whole, it was exactly what I needed. Thanks to all you guys down there for taking the time out to hang. I know most of you guys have got school on your ass already.
Pretty much everything is settled...although I still don't want to let go. Couldn't sleep last night. Something that felt like regret permeated my mind. The regret of not going for it...for not making a fool of myself, biting the bullet and just laying it all on the line, regardless. After what she said, I feel like I've dissappointed her for the last time. That she had hope, but I let her down again. I hate the feeling that I after all this time, I still haven't learned...and the fact that she thinks so too. (I hope)It'll take me a few days to get over this feeling, and get back to the good. Big changes in the next year. I'll be getting into the real deal, supporting myself. Starting a career. A bit scary, but really exciting at the same time. I'm really hoping for something wonderful to come out of all this thats happened in the past 2 and a half months...it feels kind of unfinished, this part of my life. I'm still waiting for that thing to make it all feel worth it.
Thanks to Ger for introducing me to lots of cool music...especially Jason Mraz, who've I've been grooving to almost nonstop. I thought it was gonna be tough to find a convert in 8 days to go watch him live in the city, but William seems to be interested. I'm surprised he's even heard of him.
I found out a few days ago I got into the Pixar 2 class...shway=)
I just made a conscious decision to be more lucky. Never knew how? Be enlightened. I feel like I've got a few of those 4 principles. I just need to up it a notch.
I'm moving...to the moon. Or years away...or just 3 blocks down the way. Its official. This coming sunday, right before school starts up again, I'll be moving the bulk of my stuff to our new digs 3 blocks away. Same housemates. New setting. Maybe I'll take pictures and post them up. I've still got my first choice of rooms. Still deciding. There's one thats closer to the bathroom...one closer to the kitchen...and one close to both, but with 3 doors, and a little more open than I want.
Oh, and to most of you out there, I developed my two one-time use cameras, and I'll be scanning them and starting an online photo album soon. I'll send you special people out there a link.
1/20/2003 06:54:20 PM
