I need someone to talk to...I want to go to a bar...or club. Get toasted, and forget. I need to focus on whats important. And forget the things that are distracting me. I never was any good at forgetting though.
I don't actually want to get things sorted out with this girl. I just want to forget that anything (or nothing?) ever happened. I should've known from the start. I began getting that feeling you do when you're whooped. That feeling of always chasing, and getting just enough little tidbits along the way to keep you chasing. Damn, and now I'm hurt, and I've got no one to blame but myself. And looking around the lab, no one to talk to. But just typing this is making me feel better. You knew something was up when I started updating again, right?
Well, after the last girlfriend, I said I wanted to be whooped on a girl, and so it was. And now, I don't like the view from this side of the fence. Its draining. Its got me acting in ways that are, for me, out of the norm. Chicks do that, don't they? For good or bad. The way I see myself has taken a hit, and it doesn't feel good. The thing is, I went into it telling myself I wasn't going to get emotionally attatched until I was sure of how things were going. You think I'd know better than to try and control my emotions like that. Its like having a sweet tooth and money in a candy store and being told to only look...for awhile.
Of all the times for this type of thing to happen, its at the peak of finals, when I need to be focused. I decided to just put her out of my mind. "Thats it. Just forget it and move on." But if she started sending me the signs again, I don't know if I'd be able to turn away.
Well, thats whats been going on with me. Other than that, I'm quite behind on my finals, but I think I'll pull through. I won't look for her anymore. I'll just go about my business. If she comes by, I'll say whats up and shoot the shit. Half of me is hoping she will, the other half is wishing she won't. I'll try to update on how "recovery" is going. Till then, back to the grind.
Even though I'd much rather go to a bar.
12/14/2002 11:22:29 PM
