Over the past few days, a chain of events has led me to believe I'm not as good as I was willing to think...animation-wise. It happens, y'know. Where you just think to yourself, "Fuckin' A, I suck!" Well, I'm at that place now, and have been for a few days. I don't think I'll be where I wanna be by the time I graduate...and thats a sucky feeling. I'm projecting at least a year to get there. But, its something to shoot for...besides, realizing this, and knowing where I wanna be is half the battle...and I'm about 2 levels away at this point.
Oh, I'd like to say one more thing...
"Gaddamn, I suck!"
9/28/2002 01:01:13 AM
I am probably the least charming person you know on fridays. Let me explain...usually, on a day to day basis, I go to bed around 4am. I wake up around 11:30am if I'm listen to my alarm clock the first time it rings, 12:30 if not. Now, on fridays...my world is flipped, turned upside down. I have an 8:30am class, that lasts 6 hours and gets out at 3pm. And its not a "sit on your ass and do nothing" class...its a painting class, meaning you're concentrating and actually doing something most of that class time. If thats not bad enough, I have another class at 3:30pm till 6:30 pm. And even though it is a sit on your ass and not do much but listen class, its tough to get through. So that means roughly 9 1/2 hours of class. Plus the fact that to get to class on time, I have to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn at 6 gaddang forty-five AM.
That means I'm not the most sociable guy on the block on Fridays.
Man, people in my class must think I'm totally "stand-offish". "Uhh, like, dude, whats up with that guy over there...he thinks he's too good to talk to me...pssshh" And it totally looks that way too...its just, I'm so bonked out that my socializing faculties aren't up and running. Just my painting and listening skills...its either/or man. Can't do both...thats asking too much. Oh, and did I mention what we sit on in painting class(if we sit at all)? They're whats called "drawing horses"...basically, a hard wood bench, turned sideways, which you straddle. Its really disagreeable to anyone's ass after 6 hours man. Or you can decide to paint on an easel and stand all the time. Then there's the compromise...the popular easel-stool combo. Point is, its not cushy.
I know what you guys are thinking..."just get yourself out off that whacky 4am sleeping schedule that you're in, into one that borders on normality...then it won't be so bad on fridays." You speak the truth, and your words are wise....I'll try.
Will and I finally got our package in the mail...been waiting for it for damn near 2 weeks now. He got his equipment for his air-softing trips, I got me a little surplus bag so I won't have to lug around my backpack all the time anymore. Its just big enough to carry the essentials. I likes it just fine...it should work out. People who know me, probably think my backpack is welded to my shoulders cuz its always on me where ever I go...mall, grocery shopping, class, lab...now that I think about it, its kinda like my safety blanket. Its got all my junk I would ever need on an outing. Well, to curtail this habbit, this little canvas bag should do nicely.
Thats about it...I'm gonna cook me up some mabo dofu...minus the dofu, over rice. shoot some reference vid for animation, and hit the hay...ETTB(estimated time to bed), 2:30am.
9/28/2002 12:54:07 AM
Thursday, September 26, 2002
There's a new guestbook, thanks to Jerome. Who is back in business by the way.=)
9/26/2002 03:32:37 AM
Probably one of my greatest fears is that I become a "working stiff". One of the countless other drones (or SCVs for my SC readers) out there, milling about in the "real world", bumping heads every now and then and just buzzing along in their lives. Seemingly mindless...with all the mundane worries on my mind, leaving room for nothing else. No mental stimulation. Proceeding along that way until one day, when I'm an old fart, I realize it was all for naught. Like, I realize what life was really supposed to be all about, and I regret the way I squandered it.
I've got my thoughts on what life is about..actually, I have specific ideas of what it is really about. It differs somewhat from what I used to think in my first years in college, oh 5 years ago...when I was sure I had it figured out.=) I wonder if they'll change drastically again in the future...I once asked my pops out of the blue, "Ba, do you think you'll ever change your views in the future?" "What do you mean, like my views on life?" "yeah.." "Sure." "really? A lot of old people get stuck in one way of thinking about things." "yeah, that is because of their pride."
I thought that was a really good point.
I'm a cocky bastard. I know it...specifically when it comes to art. I never think I can't do anything. If anything, I think in time, I can match or do whatever it is better. We're all only human...no one has super powers...meaning we're all playing on somewhat of a level playing field. Its just who wants it more, and who knows how to go about it better. A quote from one of my favorite instructors sums it up for me, "No one is the best all the time." Knowing this, whenever I see something spectacular, I'm thinking "shit, thats awsome...how can I achieve something like that" while someone else may be saying "Man, thats phenomenal. I could never do that." And to a certain extent, I believe this way of thinking helps me at this point in the game...about to come out of school and get my first job. I'm ready to kick some ass. Its gonna be a major blow to the ego when I'm not the new kid on the block anymore though...down the road somewhere. Another one of my instructors once said, "there's always someone younger and better." It sits there in the back of my mind. I'm not too worried though...I think the new guy has the hunger and may be better, but the veteran has the connections and a network already established, so it evens out.
I was brought up to respect my elders...and it has stuck for the most part. But sometimes I wonder...I swear some old folks are as immature as children. Should one's age instantly entitle them to respect, even if they're immature, rude, petty...? I used to think when I was young that old people must see the world in a completely different way. Now, I'm not always so sure...some heed life's lessons and learn and grow, warranting them the respect they deserve. Whereas others deny life's lessons and stay in the same place mentally, but just look older.
Even with the strongest ideals and the clearest vision of life...every once in awhile, we all need reinforcement. Whatever it may be. For example, you often hear of people who go far away for a vacation or trip say "Man, it really puts everything in perspective. You realize what is important again." I think those are beautiful moments man...when it all comes back, and your ideals are recharged. You realize that the world is so much bigger than you've grown accustomed to. I have this thought that comes to mind whenever I may be scared...its the thought that half way across the world, someone is having the best time of their lives. I guess it puts me at ease somewhat. You know what else is funny? When I'm watching a movie that freaks me out, say if its a movie about a haunted house or something, sometimes I think, "well this is happening here in this house...but down the street, a family could be watching Seinfeld on TV for all I know." And that usually ruins the "scary experience" for me...strange huh?=) Just a glimpse into my mind.
9/26/2002 02:55:37 AM
